


October 14th

by Sweetie_Curfy



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Based on a True Story, Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Recovery, Self-Harm, Suicide mention, and that story is mine so don't go calling out bullshit on it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetie_Curfy/pseuds/Sweetie_Curfy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin had never met anyone like Ryan. When they became friends, he lost himself, and remembered everything. Even little moments like the one on a dreary October evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	October 14th

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> TW: Self-harm, anorexia, mentions of suicide, depression

October 14- 8th Grade

The day was rainy, and there was nothing spectacular about it. Gavin forced himself to stay awake in Math, loved his Music class, and ate some crappy food at lunch. He and his best friend Michael had played Pokemon both on the bus and during lunch. They got yelled at during Band for causing a distraction, along with Ray. Ray had shouted over some tips for them from the table assigned to the 7th graders in band at lunch, and texted Michael some more on the bus home. Gavin complained that Ray must like him more, but he knew that wasn’t the truth. Ray just simply didn’t have his number.

Over all, it was a decent day, but nothing memorable.

 

* * *

 

 

October 14- 9th Grade- Freshman year

The school day had gone amazingly, as always. As soon as he’d gotten to school, Gavin had gotten to talk to lovely Ryan, and he’d seen him twice more in the hallways than usual, and they got to talk a bit more in Band than they usually would have. Granted, he’d forgotten to do his Math homework _again_ , and the teacher had called him out on it, but lovely Ryan comforted him on it, so he counted that as a win.

Ever since June, when Gavin had first started talking to lovely Ryan at band rehearsals (well… Not _talk_ , per say, but started to pay attention to what he was saying), he’d gone head over heels for the guy. He loved everything about him, from the way his hair flopped into his face, to the color of his eyes, to the sound of his voice- _especially_ the sound of his voice –and he loved how he treated him. He was so kind, and caring, like Gavin was his little brother.

His love only increased when he found out they were in the same squad for marching band, _and_ that he was squad and section leader! That only meant that he could spend more time with him. It also meant that he had someone to talk to, since stupid Michael had decided to quit band just before marching season had started up.

Gavin scowled at the thought. He and Michael hadn’t talked since the day he’d told him he wasn’t going to do marching band. They’d gone through the first parade and everything back in May! Michael had seemed just as excited as he had before their rehearsals, but then the more Gavin tried to listen to lovely Ryan, the more annoyed his boi had become. He very vividly remembered the day in the last week of school when Michael had suddenly gotten up in the middle of one of Gavin’s rambles about Ryan. He’d stormed over to Mr. Burns, exclaimed, “I quit! I’m not doing marching band!” and stormed out of the room.

Gavin had never gotten a reason behind it. But they didn’t talk after that.

Still, it was alright, because that gave him a reason to talk to lovely Ryan. The older was very intent on keeping him happy, and he’d been like that since the first day of Band Camp, when the Seniors had announced which Freshman they had chosen to mentor for the week. Gavin smiled fondly, remembering how he’d crossed literally every limb in his body in hopes that Ryan had chosen him. Sure enough…

_“My name is Ryan Haywood, I play trumpet, and my freshman is Gavin Free.”_

When concert band rolled around when school got back in session, nothing made him happier than knowing he got to sit _right next_ to his Senior. They were playing the same part and everything! That meant that if he didn’t understand one of the rhythms, or didn’t know which valves to press down for a certain note, he could ask lovely Ryan about it!

Everything since June had gone perfectly. He’d loved every minute of it.

Until about 7:43 p.m. Things began to go downhill.

He’d been in the living room, flipping through the channels and waiting for a reply from lovely Ryan on his phone. None of his family was home- they were at some church thing that he didn’t want to go to –so he could be as loud as he wanted, and watch what he pleased. He’d ended up on _1,000 Ways To Die_ , not thinking about anything scary coming on. He simply wanted to see what stupid ways someone could end up killing themselves.

But of course, something terrified him, and he was suddenly back in the windowless Music classroom with all of the lights out and music from _The Ring_ playing. The story had been about some girl who stalked her ex-boyfriend, and when he left on a trip with his new girlfriend, she jumped down the chimney to get inside. The grate was shut, and she ended up getting stuck, and no one heard her cries for help. They found her body when the ex and his girlfriend tried to light a fire to get rid of the smell, and the body was blocking the chimney.

Once the segment had passed and moved onto the next one, Gavin immediately flipped the channel to Nickelodeon, not caring about what stupid show was on. He shut his eyes tightly and pulled his legs up before placing his forehead on his knees. He tried to control his breathing, but it wasn’t helping. He was petrified by some stupid show that he knew would never happen to him.

Next to him, his phone vibrated loudly, causing the fourteen year old to jump and curse loudly. He quickly scooped it up, praying that it was who he thought it was. A sigh of relief flew out of him, and a smile played on his lips.

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Hello to you too! How are you on this fine evening?_

Gavin swallowed thickly and typed out a reply.

_I was okay until now. I watched something that I shouldn’t have and now I’m really really scared_

He set his phone aside before turning to look at the TV. An episode of _Spongebob_ was playing quietly. Within seconds, his phone vibrated again, and he snatched it up.

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Oh no! :( Wht did you watch?_

_Reply:_

_I watched an episode of 1000 ways to die. It really freaked me out_

This time, Gavin kept the phone cradled in his hands. He didn’t look back at the TV, but rather kept his eyes on the phone, willing his Senior to text back quickly.

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Aw! Don’t worry about it, my little freshman! Most of those stories aren’t real anyways. They just make them up to scare you lol_

_Reply:_

_Oh thank god lol. I really wish it hadn’t have scared me so much though. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_You don’t have anything to be afraid of! I’ll protect you :)_

Gavin blushed furiously. He giggled- bloody giggled –and set the phone aside for a moment before picking it back up, locking the text so he wouldn’t accidentally delete it, and replying.

_Thanks :)_

_Reply:_

_I just realized that I’m shaking haha_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Just try to keep your mind off of it. Do you have cable?_

_Reply:_

_Yeah, why?_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Spongebob’s on! It’s the training video episode. Why don’t you put tht on?_

_Reply:_

_I already had it on! Lol that’s so weird_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Lol well they do say great minds think alike! See this is why ur my freshman haha_

Gavin felt his face heat up, and he set his phone aside with a grin, trying to think up a reply suitable for that. He actually payed attention to the cartoon in front of him for a minute, and then he snapped his fingers in excitement. He picked up his phone and typed out his reply.

_“As you can see by this graph… *AHEM* GRAPH” lol_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Lol I love that part. This episode is just great in general_

The rest of the evening was spent texting each other already known quotes from the episode, and their comments on it. At one point, Ryan sent him a comment that left Gavin in tears from laughter. He was grinning stupidly as he texted him back.

_I’m freaking crying omg. My family would be so confused if they walked in right now_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_I’ve had that happen to me before lol it’s super awkward_

_Reply:_

_Omfg that’s hilarious_

Eventually, much to Gavin’s chagrin, his family came home, and he had to scurry back to his room. At one point, Ryan stopped replying, and even though Gavin texted him a couple more times to prompt him to answer, he got nothing. To distract him, he watched a bunch of YouTube videos until it was time for bed. He found himself sending one last text to lovely Ryan, in hopes that he’d wake up to a text from the Senior.

_Goodnight Ryan_

He was almost asleep when he heard his phone vibrate against his bedside table. His eyes shot open, and he snatched his phone up right away.

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Goodnight my little freshman!_

A grin split across his face, and before he realized what he was doing, he typed out an answer.

_Love you_

His eyes grew wide as soon as the text was sent, and he shot straight up. How the hell was he supposed to recover from that?! Ryan didn’t like him in that way! He was just his Senior; he was _never_ going to like him like that!

He immediately opened the messages again, typing out the first thing that came to mind.

_AS A FRIEND. NOT ROMANTICALLY._

He knew it was a lie, but it was better than suddenly confessing his love to Ryan Haywood on a dreary Tuesday night. Laying back down tentatively, he set his phone next to his head and waited anxiously.

When his phone lit up and vibrated, it took him a few moments to get himself to read the text.

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Awwww haha! Love you too, my little freshman! Sweet dreams!_

Gavin smiled, locked the text, and put his phone aside, rolling over and falling asleep with a grin on his face.

Today had definitely been a great day.

 

* * *

 

 

October 14- 10th Grade- Sophomore Year

As soon as he woke up and checked his phone, Gavin saw the date and immediately curled up under his blankets. Today was the first day he’d told Ryan that he loved him. So much had happened since then- so bloody much. He hardly even wanted to think about it, but his mind disagreed, and he was sent into thinking about everything yet again.

They’d been close for a few more months after that. He’d gone into school the next morning and Ryan had said “HOOPLA” to him, sending them both into fits of laughter, and giving Gavin a huge blush. The nice conversations lasted until about the end of marching season in November, and then… Then things happened.

They got into their first fight in December. Gavin had been too clingy, and Ryan said he needed a break. He’d told some of his friends that he felt like Gavin was his boyfriend, and that he didn’t need one of those when he had a girlfriend. (Turns out that it had been some miscommunication, and that they’d never dated at all, just gone to Homecoming together. But that wasn’t the point.)

They eventually made up on somewhat shaky terms after Christmas break ended, but things weren’t the same after that. They got into another huge fight in March, one that took Gavin making a fake persona online to get them to talk again. After that was the Band Trip- they went to Kentucky to march in the Pegasus Parade –and Gavin _thought_ things would be okay after that. _Thought_. They talked a lot during the trip, more than recently, at least.

Then graduation rolled around, and Gavin thought he was going to lose Ryan forever. He stopped eating and told Ryan about it, mentioning that he understood why people never used starvation as a form of suicide. Ryan mistook it and told Gavin’s parents that he was going to commit suicide. Gavin didn’t know if it was the truth or not anymore.

Then came the night of July 27th.

Gavin was at a summer camp for the week, and a friend of his was _actually_ suicidal, not like he’d been in June. He didn’t know what to do, so he texted Ryan a few times before calling him. Ryan had known what to do in June, so surely he’d know what to do now, right?

Turns out Ryan had been in the middle of a super important test, and that Gavin’s texts almost got him disqualified. He flipped out on Gavin, and Gavin, being scared and confused, flipped out back. He said a lot of things that he regretted five minutes after sending them.

_Why didn’t you just turn off your fucking phone?_

_I just needed help, seriously. I don’t know what to do. I need you, please_

_You are just like your senior. You don’t care about anyone but yourself._

And then came the reply. One that would haunt Gavin for years on end.

_Text from: Mini Czar Ryan Haywood_

_And you are still a brat. No wonder_

_Text from: Mini Czar Ryan Haywood_

_I’ve blocked you on Facebook. Don’t try to talk to me anymore_

Gavin was a mess for the rest of the night. He scared his roommate with how much he cried, and he ended up getting sick the next day. He attempted to talk him out of it for the rest of the night, until he was met with:

_Text from: Mini Czar Ryan Haywood_

_ENOUGH!!_

_Text from: Mini Czar Ryan Haywood_

_Just stop!! I’m done with you!! You’ve been nothing but trouble for me all year! Always so clingy and needing me and everything!_

_Text from: Mini Czar Ryan Haywood_

_You don’t need me anymore. This isn’t how I taught you. Stop talking to me. Now._

And now, over two months later, Gavin couldn’t even get out of bed right. He was absolutely ruined.

He’d done things that he wasn’t proud of. The night after the final fight, Gavin took a razor to his thigh. _If I put myself through as much pain as I put him through, he’ll come back._

He stopped eating as much, and started looking at the calories on whatever he ate. _I can’t eat that. It’s over 200 calories. I have to be thin. If I’m thin, I’ll be attractive, and he’ll come back._

He stopped talking to anyone unless spoken to first. _I ruined his life by talking too much. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s._

He made a list for himself of things that he could and couldn’t do. Every night, he looked it over, and if he broke more than five, he would slap himself across the face as hard as he could. _If I’m good enough, he’ll come back. He has to come back._

Band wasn’t fun anymore. Everything he did just reminded him of… of _him_. Every stadium they went to for away games, every song they played, everything just took him back to last year.

_Ryan turned to him as they walked back to the beginning positions for the downfield. “If you get cold, just tell me. I’ll give you my coat.”_

_Ryan cupped his hands over Gavin’s ears and glared at the others. “No! You can’t say the L word in front of the little ones! I’m not talking about liquor, or love, or even lesbians! I’m talking about the L-O-S-E word!”_

_Ryan trembled as they sat under the pouring rain on the stands. “Some homecoming game this is,” he grumbled. Before he could say anything else, Gavin wrapped his arms around the Senior in an attempt to warm him up. The older tensed immediately._

_Ryan looked down on him, concerned. “Are you alright? Is something wrong?”_

_Ryan ripped the tiny Sharpie out of Gavin’s hand, pulling out a hair in the process. The look on his face made Gavin begin to laugh hysterically._

_Ryan patted the seat next to him. “Come here, sit here! I want to sit next to my little freshman!”_

_Ryan put one foot on the bleachers and leaned onto his knee, worry shining out of his eyes. “You know… You really don’t annoy me at all. Honestly. I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”_

Gavin scoffed at the last memory, tears dripping onto his pillow. That last one had quite obviously been a lie.

Eventually, the fifteen year old struggled out of bed and to school. He didn’t bother to shower or do anything to prepare him; Ryan wouldn’t be there, so what was the point?

The day went about as well as any other had. He got yelled at for not doing his homework again, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He skipped lunch again, earning him another concerned look from Michael (who had made up with him about halfway through Freshman year). He stayed silent unless he had to sing during chorus.

The only thing that was different was that Jack, a kind Junior who had been very supportive since it had happened, finally snapped.

Gavin had fucked up during Spanish class, his first class of the day, and overheard someone saying something that reminded him of Ryan. He ended up crying a little bit. Mr. Sorola had immediately noticed and gone over to him.

“Mr. Free, are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Not even bothering to look at him, nor to wipe the tears away until after he’d spoken, he shook his head. “I’m fine” was the automatic response that came from him. It was his mouth’s way of protecting him while his brain screamed, _No, I’m not okay, he hates me, I fucked it all up, help me, please please please, help me_.

He wiped the tears away and kept his gaze on his desk, knowing that if he looked up, he’d see Mr. Sorola’s frown, and he’d break.

“Well… Alright. You don’t need to do this assignment if you don’t think you’re able to.”

Gavin did the assignment anyway.

Three periods later, when he was sitting silently in Driver’s Ed as they waited for the teacher to show up, Jack stalked over with a concerned look. The only reason he was in this class, Gavin remembered, was because there hadn’t been enough room on his schedule for it the year before. None of their other friends were in this class, so it was almost the perfect class to let himself be sad in. Almost. But there was Jack.

The ginger stood next to his desk, leaning onto the top with one hand. “Are you okay?”

He plastered a smile onto his face. “Of course. I’m top. Why?”

“Sorola said you were crying in class today.”

The smile fell, as did his shoulders. “…Oh.”

Jack frowned. “Is it about Ryan?”

Gavin hesitated, but nodded regardless. “I just miss him so much…”

The older let out a frustrated huff. “What’s there to miss? It was just Ryan. There wasn’t anything special about him. He was an asshole to you, anyway.”

“I still love him, Jack.”

Jack threw his arms into the air. “Why can’t you just _get over him_?!”

Gavin didn’t bother to look at him; he simply put his head on his desk and covered his face with his arms. As soon as he heard Jack sigh and walk away, he let himself cry for a couple of minutes. The teacher walked in then, and he sat up, wiped his face, and pretended to care.

It was a shitty day. But then again, when weren’t they?

 

* * *

 

 

October 14- 11th Grade- Junior Year

Gavin checked the date on his phone hurriedly as he threw on his shoes and sprinted outside. The date seemed familiar, but he couldn’t quite pick out why. No doubt it had something to do with _him_ , but the thought was pushed out of his mind as he jumped on the bus right as it pulled up to his driveway. There was a _lot_ going on today, and thinking of _him_ so early in the morning wasn’t going to do well for him.

As he rode to school, he looked over his Vocab words one last time. He had a test first period in English, and he couldn’t afford to fail this one, too. Already his grades were bad this year.

Although… They were better than last year’s. When he was…

He shuddered, throwing his earbuds in and blasting his music. He was _not_ going to think of _him_.

He was going to think of today’s band practice instead. Every Thursday, they would go out to the football field to rehearse the halftime show for the next night. He loved his squad this year- mainly because both Ray and his new rapidly-becoming best friend Kdin were in it –and now he always really looked forward to rehearsals. It was a nice change, to look forward to them again.

He thought of things they were going to have to work on. Kdin definitely still needed to work on picking up his feet, but they were so late into the season at this point that he wasn’t sure if it was worth it. He also needed to work on his horn angle, something that Gavin absolutely _refused_ to let go. Still, he wasn’t as strict with it as their squad leader, Joel, was. That idiot kept forcing Kdin’s trumpet up for him! It absolutely _infuriated_ Gavin that he did that. Joel was a trombone player- he of all people should know that that could knock your damn teeth out!

Gavin groaned internally. He still needed to talk to him about that.

The day went on without much trouble. He felt pretty good about his vocab test, and about his Chemistry homework when he turned it in. When they got to band, the march out went nearly flawlessly. Mr. Burns pushed them to go faster than normal again, so his legs absolutely ached by the time they made it to the field. It took them two or three tries to get the first turn good enough, so once they were in their spots for _Call Me_ , Gavin was already frustrated.

Then it happened.

Mr. Burns was yelling at one of the squads on the other side of the field, as they hadn’t been paying attention earlier and missed a horns-up. Everyone was awkwardly standing at parade rest, and some were even tentatively talking to each other.

Kdin swallowed thickly from where he stood between Ray and Joel. “Mr. Burns kind of scares me sometimes,” he said timidly.

Gavin tensed, getting ready for Joel to snap at him for talking, but instead what he heard was a short cooing. “Aw, don’t worry! You’ve got nothing to be afraid of! I’ll protect you!”

A sharp gasp filled the sixteen year old’s lungs, and his eyes grew wide as a memory played behind his eyes.

_This time, Gavin kept the phone cradled in his hands. He didn’t look back at the TV, but rather kept his eyes on the phone, willing his Senior to text back quickly._

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_Aw! Don’t worry about it, my little freshman! Most of those stories aren’t real anyways. They just make them up to scare you lol_

_Reply:_

_Oh thank god lol. I really wish it hadn’t have scared me so much though. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight_

_Text from: Super Senior Ryan Haywood!_

_You don’t have anything to be afraid of! I’ll protect you : )_

_Gavin blushed furiously. He giggled- bloody giggled –and set the phone aside for a moment before picking it back up, locking the text so he wouldn’t accidentally delete it, and replying._

That’s what today was.

His shoulders began to sag a bit, and his gaze slowly fell to the ground. He’d done _so well_ at keeping it out of his mind so far today, but…

Kdin’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “You okay, dude?”

Gavin snapped his head over to look at his squad; Ray had a knowing look on his face, as he’d gotten into band just in time for everything to happen. Joel was rolling his eyes, and Gavin could almost hear him thinking, _Jesus, just get over it already_.

It was Kdin’s face, the innocent, unknowing look, that made him swallow thickly and plaster a smile on his face, like he did almost every day last year.

“I-I’m good,” he shakily replied. “Just a memory. Nothing for you to worry about, yeah?”

It felt gross, lying to Kdin. He felt like he’d just dropped an entire sousaphone into his stomach, or like he’d been hit with one of the bandfront’s flags again.

Kdin didn’t have the chance to reply before a sharp whistle cut them off, bringing them back to focus on rehearsal.

The day went on, although it was a lot more depressing than it had been before. He didn’t pay attention in History, nor did he in Math nor Health. Everything went past in a blur. It felt like the ending of last year.

During Health, he let himself put his head down and cry for a minute. Why couldn’t he just get over him?

He’d figured it out by now. His Senior had been an asshole. He’d lied about caring about him in the first place, and about picking him. Gavin was still convinced that _he_ was only his Senior because Gavin was the last choice. He’d gotten stuck with him, and then tried to fake his care so that he didn’t look bad in front of everyone else.

That wasn’t even some conspiracy theory, either. _He_ had literally told Gavin that- well, not Gavin, exactly, but he still heard it directly from him. _He_ had hated him thoroughly the entire time, and now Gavin felt the exact same way towards him.

So why did it still hurt?

On the bus home, Kdin texted him and asked him about what had happened. He had seen that Gavin was upset for the rest of the day. Gavin lied and said that he had gotten a migraine. For some reason, he didn’t want to tell Kdin about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go into it, just more… He wanted to protect him. Like telling him about _him_ was going to destroy his innocence.

God knows it did it to Gavin.

With a detached feeling, Gavin got home, did his homework, and went to bed. He and Michael texted for a while, and he felt his heart break a little again when his phone vibrated and he hoped for a split second that it was _him_. It was stupid.

The day could have gone better. Gavin thought the healing process could be going better, too.

 

* * *

 

 

October 14- 12th Grade- Senior Year

Gavin stared out the window of the restaurant, watching people walk past happily, before snapping his gaze to the clock impatiently. “Goddamn, I hope we’re not late…”

Kdin groaned from the other side of the booth. “Fucking relax, dude. We’ve got plenty of time before rehearsal!”

“Of course _you_ can be calm,” Gavin replied. “You’re not the one who’s arse is gonna be destroyed when we’re not on the field by 4:30 for rehearsal!”

“Mr. Burns will understand if we were eating.”

“What Mr. Burns are you talking about? He’ll tell us that we should’ve eaten faster!”

Next to Kdin, Dan pulled out his phone and gave it a glance. “Well, we’ve got an hour and nine minutes to eat!” he cheerfully pointed out. “Besides, if we are late, I’ll make sure I get my arse kicked too! It’s not _just_ your fault.”

With a grin, Gavin reached over and ruffled the younger’s hair. “See, this is why I chose you as my Freshman! You’re always lookin’ out for me! Unlike _some_ people.”

Kdin threw his hand into the air, using the other to hold his glass of pop to his mouth. “Hey, my mom would kill me if I got into trouble. You know that.”

“And ours’ wouldn’t?!”

“Mine wouldn’t care,” Dan said. “I’ve got two little sisters that they need to pay attention to. They won’t care if I get yelled at.”

Before either of the two could respond, Joel walked over to their table and sat their food in front of them- a hot dog for Dan, chicken tenders for Kdin, and an order of medium fries for Gavin. He let out a breath as soon as they were down.

“There you go!” he stated before letting his body fold in on itself a little. “I can’t fucking believe that Mr. Burns wants us to be on the field by 4:30. 4:30!”

“It’s an away game, Joel,” Gavin reminded, popping a fry into his mouth. “We’ve gotta leave as soon as we can.”

Joel rolled his eyes, but then he remembered something and stood up straight. “Oh, yeah! I forgot to tell you! Did you know that Geoff Ramsey and Ryan Haywood are at the Smooth Bean?”

Gavin felt his heart stop, and he froze for just a split second. “O-Oh?”

“Yeah, I went in there for some coffee and they were just sitting at one of the tables!” Joel cheerfully said. “I went to talk to them, but Ryan was kind of an asshole. Anyway, enjoy your food!”

With that, he walked away. Gavin slowly turned back to his plate, playing with one of the fries silently. He saw that the other two had stopped what they were doing, and when he looked up, Dan was shooting him a confused look, while Kdin sent a concerned one.

“You okay?” the fifteen year old asked quietly.

Gavin swallowed and nodded, forcing himself to smile. “Yeah,” he replied. The smile wasn’t in his voice.

All that he could think was _Haywood, Haywood, Haywood, three walls away, why is he here, why can’t I get over him, what purpose does Haywood have for coming back to this shitty small town, Haywood, Haywood…_

There was a flash of Haywood smiling proudly at him during Band Camp Freshman year. There was a flash of a Christmas letter to Gavin specifically with delicate handwriting that Gavin still had in the pocket of his coat to this day. There was a flash of Gavin throwing up into a toilet on July 28th at seven in the morning. There was a flash of Gavin trying to force himself to throw up the following December before punishing himself when he couldn’t do it. There was a flash of a Facebook message admitting that he never cared at all.

“Who’s Ryan?”

Gavin shot his gaze back up to where Kdin was shooting Dan an unbelieving look. The Freshman was giving his Senior a curious look. Somehow, Gavin knew that Dan knew that something had happened.

Hesitantly, the oldest picked up a fry. “He’s… He was _my_ Senior,” he explained. “We don’t talk anymore. Like Joel said, he turned into an asshole.”

Dan frowned. “What happened? Why did he turn into one?”

Gavin swallowed again. “…I don’t really want to go into detail. Basically, he acted like he cared about me the entire year, but he didn’t. Just thought I was annoying as hell.” He sent Dan a smile. “Which is why I’m so glad we’re such good friends. This means you won’t have to go through what I did. I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemies, and especially not on you!”

Satisfied with the answer, Dan nodded and dug into his food. Kdin glanced at the oldest before starting to eat as well, and Gavin managed to force down a few fries until they changed the subject, to which he began to eat with ease. It was soon 3:55, and in order to get to the field early, they paid for their food and hurried off.

Gavin barely noticed the date on the receipt, but when he did, he thought it was familiar. Vaguely, he wondered if it had something to do with Haywood, but it was pushed away when Kdin grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the restaurant. He forced himself to keep his eyes out of the windows of the Smooth Bean.

When they finally got to the field, instruments in hand, Gavin showed them the downfield routine from his Freshman year. He could still do it with ease, like it was just yesterday that lovely Ryan was standing two spots away from him. He tried to do his Sophomore and Junior year downfields, both of which failed spectacularly and had his two best friends laughing hysterically at him. He watched them fondly, knowing that even though he was leaving soon, he could be proud with what he’d left behind.

It was a great day. Gavin felt happy with his life for the first time in years.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read! Hope you liked it, and hope you didn't relate to it (because that would mean you've gone through this, too, and like Gavin said, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemies).
> 
> I wrote this to exorcise some of my own demons that I've needed to get out for a long while. Some of the events didn't take place specifically on the anniversary of the Hoopla night, but they did happen. Many of these quotes are exact from what I remember, and these are all based on friends of mine. All of those memories from Gavin's Sophomore year are some of the ones I remember the most vividly, hence why I used them. I might write another part to flesh those ones out, if wanted.
> 
> In case you might be wondering, yes, Gavin is still friends with Michael and Ray at the end, they're just not as close as they used to be.


End file.
